Wishing You a Diet-Free New Year!!

Why do we resolve year after year to diet when diets clearly are not working? Perhaps because we are bombarded by the media to think that diets work....But research shows that Diets do not work. For every diet there is an equal binge so the best way to gain weight is to go on a diet. The mere thought of saying "I resolve to diet" is enough to set us up for overeating.

There is an alternative. The NON-Diet approach is a way to cultivate healthy practices in our lives that enhance our overall well-being physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is about looking deeper and fostering self-understanding, self-care and compassion. It is about trusting ourselves, listening to ourselves and learning attuned/intuitive eating.

The following excerpt is from a previous client who graciously sent me this note about how our work together helped her feel more confident and more self-worth as she learned to go from dieting to NON-Dieting.

"I've been thinking for awhile about dropping you a line to tell you how well the results of the sessions I had with you are working in my life!

You helped me to make the connection between feelings and food. I know now to focus on my feelings when "I feel like eating" at other than meal times. I've discovered that tiredness and boredom are two of my triggers. I know a cat nap and beginning a new activity are the solutions....NEVER is food the answer. I have learned to express anger, sadness, and feelings of anxiety. First, by stating aloud to the other person the way I am feeling and then by saying what it is that I need. For too many years I stuffed down what are considered negative feelings just so I could appear to be the perfectly wonderful always happy, good girl!

As a result of our work, I, without dieting, lost 52 pounds. I have gained a great deal of confidence and a sense of self-worth. I manage to hover at a stable weight without being vigilant about food and eating. I have become vegetarian as a natural easing into what is an all around healthier life style. I generally don't focus on food. When I do, particularly, if it is around snacking or eating "healthy junk food," I check in with myself about what the thoughts behind the behavior really are. I am not perfect at this, but that's just fine...I don't want to be perfect at anything anymore!

People often ask me how "I lost the weight." Counting Points? Counting Carbs? Counting fat grams? Jenny Craig? Weight Watchers? I tell them, None of that." I went to counseling to find out WHY I was a compulsive overeater. I did it by NON-Dieting. I know when I came to you, I was so-o-o ready to be free of this compulsion. It was the best decision I could have ever made for myself. I am thankful that you were there for me. I hope others find you too."

If you feel that you are tired of dieting and want an approach that can bring you a Joyful New Year making peace with food and weight, please call me at 846-9053.

Gaining Weight Without Eating!

There are many ways we eat and gain weight, but do not count our eating as eating. Which of the following are true for you?
1. "Edging a cake"
2. Rearranging broken cookies
3. If it is frozen and it is not meant to be
4. Driving in the car
5. When someone else is paying
6. Cleaning off the kids' plate
7. Anything with diet soda
8. When cooking
9. Any food you do not like
10. When it is for medicinal purposes
11. Before Exercise
12. After Exercise
13. While standing
14. When company comes to visit
What would you add to this list??

Why do we mindlessly eat? One major reason is because we feel the need to sneak. This feeling comes from years of dieting and learning certain foods are "bad" and we "shouldn't" eat them. In addition, sometimes our parents forbid us to eat certain foods and so we again sneak what we are not allowed.
Also, we may have been taught to be polite: "Eat only a little." And so in front of others we eat just a little, but at home alone we eat until uncomfortably full.

Another reason we mindlessly eat is to soothe our feelings. It is too hard to tolerate the loneliness, the boredom, the anger, the sadness and so we unconciously eat to numb ourselves.

Still another reason for mindless eating is the issue of "Not being enough!" In trying to be more, to have more...there is a chronic feeling of emptiness and so we eat.

How can we eliminate mindless eating? If we can give ourselves permission to be present, to eat openly with awareness and enjoyment, to acknowledge what we feel and what we truly need, to decide when enough is enough, then our weight and eating will normalize and we can be at peace. Not an easy task! Support, education and insight is necessary. Please call me at 207 846-9053 if I can help you.

Self-Esteem and Personal Power

Recovery from food and weight issues requires self-esteem and confidence. With high self-esteem, we are more able to deal with the rigors of life and not suffer from a great deal of stress needlessly. On the days when we are feeling confident in ourselves, strong and clear about our priorities, self-loving; then eating healthy is not a problem. Our day is filled with interesting, meaningful activities and we are feeling more hopeful, faithful and forgiving of our own imperfections and inadequacies. By being aware and utilizing the following supports, both internal and external, we will be more in control of our feelings about ourselves and our world.

Internal Resources:
1. Breathing-Take time out for 10-15 deep, complete breaths daily. It will give a fresh prespective on dilemnas and allow clearer thinking about what is really needed and how to meet that need instead of using food.
2. Senses-We can use our senses to let in information, but also to screen out things that we experience as negative to our bodies and mental well-being. For example, when is watching TV helpful and when is it toxic?
3. Musculature-Our bones and musculature support the movement and energy in our bodies. By standing and sitting straight and tall, energy can flow freely.
4. Boundaries-Knowing and learning our limits is a very difficult task for those of us who would like to think we are "Bionic"! Are you able to communicate what you want or need? What is "too close for comfort" and when do you need to be closer?
5. Ability to withdraw-Our bodies need time to rest, reflect and rejuvenate. Be aware of your need for a break from all the noise, cluttler and complexity of everyday life.
6. Humor-Life is alot more fun when we can let go of expectations and see the humor in our frustrations.
External Resources:
1. Nutrition-What foods give you energy and what foods leave you feeling tired?
2. Exercise-How do you enjoyably move your body? What activity is fun?
3. Family/Social/Counselor-Who do you trust and know will understand when you need to talk? Can Weighty Issues or Weighty Matters Support Group meet that need?
4. Work-Who at work do you confide in? Who makes you feel good?
5. Environment-Where do you go to get away that helps you relax? Is it the ocean, the mountains, a favorite room in your house?
6. Consciousness larger than yourself-Do you pray, meditate, or have another spiritual practice?

Finding the resources within yourself is where Personal Power begins. Then acting on your own behalf can help you stay healthy and grow in a direction you choose. If you would like support with self-esteem and personal power, please call me at 207 846-9053.

Meditating to a Healthy Body Weight

How can Meditation lead to a Healthy Body Weight? The #1 reason we overeat is due to stress. We live in stressful, anxious times and so it is no wonder that weight issues have become one of the foremost health issues today. However, our breath is a tool that we carry with us wherever we go and it can soothe and relax us.

Unfortunately, most of us breathe just enough to stay alive. This shallow breathing creates anxiety, fatigue, rapid heart rate, confusion, poor concentration, muscle tension and negative, neurotic thinking. Food might be our drug of choice to numb ourselves. In the end, we develop health issues such as high blood pressure, headaches, insomnia, teeth grinding, indigestion etc.

If we can take time to breathe deeply, that is, diaphragmatic or belly breathing, 15 minutes a day, emotional distress can be eased. We can feel more peaceful, energized, loving, productive, focused and think more positive, hopeful thoughts. Ultimately, thru a practice of meditation, there is a connection to the inner self and what one really needs and wants instead of food. Meditation is an important resouce in attaining a Healthy Body Weight. To learn more about meditation, please call me at 846-9053.

Why Journal?

Journaling is a tool to deepen awareness and promote personal growth. It can help you connect more fully with yourself and aide in the healing and empowerment process. With this in mind, journaling can be an effective component of working with eating concerns. When you eat, notice and record the following:

What is your hunger level? (Is it physical or emotional?)

How is your body feeling--your arms, your legs etc.?

What did you eat? How much? When did you start? When did you stop?

Where did you eat? Was there an associated activity, for example, TV?

What did you think and feel?

Why did you eat?

What can you do to satisfy that hunger?

What are the patterns you see and what might you want to change? As you experience this awareness, without judgement, you can achieve self-acceptance. When you accept yourself, you can achieve self-love. And when you are capable of self-love, you can change. If you want to learn more about self-care thru journaling, please call me at 846-9053.

Food: The Feeling Plug!

Do you eat in response to feelings other than hunger? Most people eat to soothe their feelings at least occassionally. Many of us learned this behavior from childhood. We learned to associate food with caretaking, comfort and love. For example, as enfants when we cried we were fed. As we became a little older, and perhaps fell, scraped our knee and felt sad, we may have been given a cookie to feel better. If left alone, our parents may have left us snacks to eat so that we might not feel so alone. If we did well in school, we may have been rewarded with a hot fudge sundae. And so food became our self-care tonic.

Today as adults if we continue to bury our feelings in food, we hurt ourselves mentally, physically and spiritually. Just as eating only one food day in and day out can lead to malnutrition, coping with our feelings using only food can leave us undernourished. We need to develop a variety of coping mechanisms to effectively deal with our feelings. Which ones appeal to you? Relaxation...Assertiveness...Movement...Problem solving...Support...Expression of our feelings thru journaling or counseling...Sitting with our feelings and letting them run thru us.

If you need support in your self-care with feelings, please call me at 846-9053.

Clean Plate Club

Are you a member of the Clean Plate Club? Do you feel virtuous when you do not waste food? Do you feel healthy when you eat all your vegetables? Do you give and receive love in the form of food? Do you want the cook to feel good by asking for seconds and eating all of them? Do you feel loyal when you attend all the family sunday dinners? If you could answer "YES" to most of these questions, then you are a member of the Clean Plate Club.

As a member there can be pride, pleasure and satisfaction. However, there can also be physical and emotional pain. Eating when not hungry can lead to physical discomfort. Weight goes up; health and self-esteem goes down. There is alienation and disconnection from one's body.

Changing this behavior is hard. Saying "NO" to others is not easy. Saying "NO" to ourselves is even harder. To begin the process, observe your patterns around food nonjudgementally. What are your thoughts and feelings? How do you participate in the Clean Plate Club? Practice leaving some food on your plate when you have had enough. Observe your reactions as well as the reactions of others. What strategies help you eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full? Support can be integral in making this change. Please call me if I can help. 207 846-9053.

Diet Myths

There are several Diet Myths, four of which I consider

most important to address. If you can understand these myths, you can understand that you haven't failed your diet---Your diet has failed you!

Myth #1: With dieting, we can lose weight and keep it off. The truth is that the surest way to gain weight is to go on a diet. The fourth law of the universe is that for every diet there is an equal and opposite binge. In other words, deprivation/restriction leads to bingeing.

Myth #2: Unless we diet, we will devour the universe. The truth is no one's hunger is bottomless. If you really listen to yourself and give yourself what you truly need, then you will fulfill your hunger.

Myth #3: In order to lose weight, we have to shame ourselves into changing. Our national mantra seems to be, "I am fat!" The truth is that long lasting change can only come through kindness to ourselves, curiosity about what we do and a willingness to act on our own behalf. It is through self-acceptance and self-love that real change occurs.

Myth #4: Non-dieting means bingeing. The truth is that non-dieting means giving yourself permission to eat and discovering your loving limits. By giving oneself permission to eat, the forbiddeness, the guilt, the rebellion decreases. Then one is able to find their loving limits. Loving limits is about listening to oneself and eating more from physical hunger than from emotion and stress. For example, loving limits is deciding how much ice cream is loving and nurturing and how much is abusive.

When we are on a diet, we are like animals who are fenced in. They, and we, become wild and restless. We need to give ourselves bigger pastures so we can relax more and give ourselves what we truly need. If you want to give up the vicious diet cycle and become happy, healthy and calm around food, please call me at 207 846-9053.

Releasing the Hidden You!

Releasing the "hidden you" is essential if you want genuine physical beauty as well as emotional happiness and spiritual fulfillment. However, many of us think the answer lies in creating a thinner you, or a new you. And so, we resolve once again to lose weight thinking the answer is all about a problem of weight. Focusing merely on the loss of weight and measuring progress only in terms of pounds and inches, our success will be limited. The answer to our misery and self-destructive behaviors is much deeper. It means dealing with the underlying issues.

What I am suggesting is to begin with an internal approach by a process of personal discovery. A process of reconnecting with yourself. A process that moves you from self-hate to self-acceptance and self-love. A process that allows your inner beauty to shine thru whereby you feel more attractive, more energetic, more lively, more beautiful. This is what we hope weight loss will do for us but really it is connecting with our mind, body and soul that will give us that special radiance. As you begin this new year consider basing your changes on a solid foundation of positive feelings about yourself; and not on an attempt to live up to someone's notion of what you should be.

Please call me at 207 846-9053 if you would like support in your journey of self-discovery.

Gift of Self-Nurture

The gift of self-nurture is about learning to care for oneself as effectively as one cares for others. Unfortunately, during the holiday season we tend to give to others much more than we do to ourselves. Without self-nurture, we become exhausted! The result is physical, emotional and spiritual fatique. Thus, in the end, we are unavailable to care for others--the very thing we wanted to do.

In order to restructure this cycle, we do not need to spend alot of money. The best gifts do not cost much. We just need to slow down long enough to discover them. The following list includes some ideas to enrich your life:
*Taking time for quiet and reflection.
*Taking time to walk in nature and appreciate its beauty.
*Taking time to rest, relax and rejuvenate.
*Taking time to write daily lists of gratitude.
*Taking time to ponder your spiritual perspective.
*Being mindful of what you see, hear, feel and smell.
*Giving yourself kind words of praise and affirmation.

Thru these or other gifts of self-nurture, you can fill yourself up enough to give the warmth, empathy and understanding that others need. How will you give yourself the gift of self-nurture?